I seem to be constantly messing things up with John. Well not really messing them up, more like making it more awkward. I just can't help myself. He makes me so crazy. I want him so bad. After almost two years of being FwBs how could this not happen? We have tried the dating thing a couple of times and it just didn't work. And when we are together everyone assumes that we are probably more than just FwB. He acts mroe than that when we are together. And we are friends. We are great friends. I can't imagine what it would be like if he just wasn't there anymore.
So last Saturday I went to the bar with some friends and he was there too. When we go out we sit together. We hold hands and tell eachother secrets. We even give each other little kisses. Sometimes he comes on too strong in public and I have to push him back. I thought maybe it all meant more than jsut what we are. Others have told me that he is just marking his territory out in public so other know that I am taken for the evening.
Later that night we were lying in bed and I asked him why we aren't together. He said it was because we don't work together. I try to tell him how I feel and how we have been like this for so long. he says "we are just friends with benefits." Yeah, that hurt. Am I just living in my own world. He says he thinks I can't be happy staying right how we are. I don't know what to think anymore. He acts like it's more and then suddenly it's nothing. The thing is he isn't dating anyone else and he certainly isn't sleeping with anyone else. I am the only one in his life like me. Sometimes I think I could fall in love with him. He is more than just sex to me. He is someone I can have a real intelligent conversation with and I can't say that about a lot of my friends. He is probably smarter than most of the people we hang out with. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. I just want to be around him. Half the time I don't even want to have sex with him. I just want to see him and be in his company. I just keep thinking one day he will tell me he feels the same way. And I am not crazy he has told me his feelings before, days after I told him I first had feelings for him. But that is another story.
Always- LSG
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You could always give the proceedings a gentle nudge by going on a date with someone else. He might get a little jealous and want to make things a little more concrete between the two of you.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's verging on game playing but it might work. I'm not suggesting anything heavy, just casually mention you're going to lunch with a guy from work and see what he says...
Never really thought of that. I usually just don't talk to him for a week or two then we hook up and the whole cycle starts all over again. I should really put an end to it, but hey he's there when I need to get laid. It's easier than going out and finding someone else to be with.
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