His Final Apology

I haven't been a very good blogger lately and I apologize for that. I guess I have just felt that my life has been pretty boring here lately. But law school starts in a week and a half so things are bound to get interesting. I have been reading the blogs I follow though.

So you know that I quit talking to John. Reason why are in a previous post. On Saturday I was getting ready to go out and he sent me a Whats been going on text. I ignored it. Like an hour later he sends this:
'I understand if you dont ever want to talk to me again. U just want to tell you that im sorry for the way i treated you. I was an asshole. You were the closest thing i ever had to a long term girlfriend. I was a stupid fuck. I never wanted to hurt you. I just know I miss you and want you in my life'

I responded a couple hours later with a simple- I don't know what to say.
He never replied back. I care but I dont. Reading his text made me a little sad and made me miss him a little, but I dont go back. He has apologized way too many times. If he meant anything he said then we would not be going thru this same cycle over and over again. He is always apologizing for being an ass and he is always saying he misses me. I won't do it again.

The thing is that when I masturbate, I still think of him. I just tell myself it means nothing. It is just a sexual thing. For the past two years he is like the only guy I've had sex with. Of course I am going to be reminded of him. I mean there were a couple of other guys when he and I were off, but mainly I have been with him.

I will forget and move on.

Always- LSG

Old and SIngle

Last night I went to a party at Crush's house. He and his two roommates were hosting a beer pong tournament/ party. I don't play beer pong bc I don't enjoy chugging Keystone, that is Oklahoma 3.2 Keystone. I usually bring wine and my favourite Belgium beer to these sorts of parties.

I did end up having a lot of fun, but I was the only single girl there. Of course a lot of the guys were single, but I was the only single girl. Sara was there with her husband. CT is a roommate so his girlfriend was there. Best Friend was there with Object of Affection. Sara's husband's bro and his gf. And another married couple. Those were the couples. Plus like 10 other guys and me. One would think this would be awesome for a single girl. All the guys to myself and no competition. It was actually really weird being the only single girl.

When I realized this fact I mentioned it to best friend and Sara. Best Friend was like, 'you are not the only single girl here because I am single too.' Um no. You came with a date, Best Friend. A date who is your boyfriend. You are not single at this party. But she continued how she wasn't married and that meant if she filled out any type of form she would mark the single box. While this maybe true she was still attached at this party. She was not single for the night. She wouldn't give up her single status, which was very annoying to both her boyfriend and I.

Crush works at the local golf course with many others who were at the party. At one point they invited another girl. Another single girl. Another single girl who is the beer girl at the golf course. Another single girl who is the beer girl at the golf course who is also 19 and hot. I have never felt so old in my life. I will be 24 in just 3 months but hanging out with this 19 year old chippy made me feel ancient. I think it was because she works with Crush and I got the vibe that she had a thing for him. I have always been the girl that other girls had to compete with and they lost. Now I felt I was having to compete with a fresh out of high school 19 year old hottie.

Eventually it got late and all the other girls were gone expect for me and the 19 year old. After spending time with her she actually seemed really cool but I still don't want to compete for Crush's attention with her. By the way, Crush is 26 in two months. When she wanted to drive home, Crush told her maybe she should sleep on the couch. She went to her car to get pjs. While she was gone I was on the porch with the guys. CT was like you all better not hit on her or take advantage of her if she stays the night. I was like um isn't she only 19. They said they would never do such a thing.

I wonder if Crush would really date someone that was 19. I know I wouldn't. Anyway. She ended up drving home and I left like 30 minutes later. I still want to get at Crush. He is just so yummy.

Always- LSG

Roll Call

I was just wanting know your blog address. If there are people reading my blog and also have a blog of their own please leave me the address to your blog in the comments. I would love to start reading the adventures in your lives also. Thanks- LSG

Problems with Friends & An Update

There is a girl I have posted about. I call her my best friend, but my posts about her are usually rants. She is more like my best frenemy. We have been friends since high school. We got really close our 2nd year of college. Now we seem to be on very different paths. I see it and my friend Sara sees it. But I don't know that she does. She called me her best friend the other day. The worst part is is that she doesn't have a lot of friends.

Lately the problem with her is that everything seems to feel like a competition with her. She is always trying to one up me or at least get on equal grounds with me. I know she wasn't happy when I graduated because she was going to need to go another year. I work for a law firm. As long as I have worked for a law firm she has been trying to do the same. She finally found a law firm to work for a few months ago, but has had to put in her notice because it is in shambles and money is running out quick.

One time, this past fall, she freaked out over me dating this guy. He was one of my good friends. And he has said he had a crush on her. She had a boyfriend and said she would never date him even if she was single. Well when he and I started to date she flipped out, saying that she wanted to be with him, but didn't want to break it off with her boyfriend. Oh and then she mentioned something about how I get all the guys, how I am so pretty, how I get every man I want and she doesn't. Her words; not mine.

Well lately we have joined Sara's group. Which consists mainly of her, her husband, Jack, CT, CT's g/f, Crush, and Best Friends new object of affection. Well it seems to be a competition for the group with her. Object of Affection has been out of town a few weeks; now that he is back things are going into high gear. I really like hanging out with these guys. They like to party and have fun, but aren't idiots or druggies like my old friends. They like to stay up late and so do I. Best Friend doesn't like to drink, or stay up late, muchless go out. I can tell she gets upset when I go out with them and she doesn't go or when she leaves early and I stay.

She and Object of Affection went to a party with the group and extended group on Saturday. I did not feel like going. It was a poker party and I don;t play poker. Plus I got really wasted the night before and stayed up past 6AM. She seemed to make sure I knew what a good time she had at this party. How she had to take home and drunk Jack and that the guys seem to want her to go to a major football game in the fall that consists of travel to a neighboring state.

Now I am not jealous of her having a boyfriend. I could care less. I do seem to be jealous that she is gonna get closer to these guys thru Object of Affection and leave me out. I know she will spend time with them and I will never get invited. I guess she doesnt have to invite me to hang out bc she is with her boyfriend. Anyway I feel I am rambling. I do hate seeing her flirt with Crush and put her arms on him. It just pisses me off. He is not mine, I know. But she knows I like him. She used to do this with John all the time. She was call him, text him, hang out with him, and go to dinner with him.

JOHN UPDATE:
10 days ago was the last time I saw John. The next day I decided we would not date anymore. I felt awkward calling to tell him this so I would wait til he contacted me next to tell him. It has been 10 days and I have not heard from him. Not even a text. Does he not think we were dating, because he is the one that wanting to start dating. Here are the options:
A- he is an asshole
B- he is an asshole and won't contact me until he is horny
C- he realized what i realized. maybe he wants to breakup too.
In the case of C, that would be awesome. A breakup with out having to do the breakup. We just stop talking which actually is very fine with me.

Always- LSG

I Hate This Part

Okay. So after all this should I date John, should I not date John? I have decided to end it with him. I was hanging out with him last night and we got into an argument/discussion. I realized that we will never work together. We just have very different views on what a relationship is. He thinks it is okay to just sit around the house all the time and lay around and have sex. I want more than that. For some reason I thought that he would change.

Then he gave me this speech about how he doesnt form attachments to people. Well then what is he doing with me? Plus he doesnt seem to eager to find a job. I have dated guys with no ambition before and it is a pain in the ass.

I just have to figure out how and when to tell him. I don't want to call him up and tell him. I feel weird calling him to tell him it's over. Plus I don't wanna do it on the phone. But I don't wanna make plans to see him just so I can tell him it is over. I am sure I will hear from him in the next day or so and I will just have to do it whether it is on the phone on in person. I hate this part.

Always- LSG

My Parents and The Men I Date

So right when I think things are going to be okay with John I have to go and talk to my parents. I can't help it they are like my best friends. I tell my mom everything.

I told my mom at lunch the other day all about John and our talk. She seemed to be okay with it. I didn't want to tell my dad, however, because I knew he would just get upset. He thinks all men are scum and that no one is good enough for his little girl.

Yesterday I asked my mom what she thought dad might think of John. Then she started getting upset with me. She thinks that I am settling. Settling for what? It's not like I am gonna marry the guy. Then there is the well if you aren't gonna marry him then why waste your time. Well, I don't know if I will ever get married. I don't know exactly how I feel about marriage. Plus if I ever do get married it won't be for a long time. So why not have fun now? What, I can't date unless I'm thinking about marriage?

Then she tells me that I don't really like John and that I have just convinced myself that I have so that I can date him and not be the only single girl that I know. yes it does suck, sometimes, being the only single girl I know, but I do like being single. part of my being confused about dating John is whether I want to give up my single life at this moment. And I don't think that I have convinced myself to like John. I have always had feelings for John, for like two years now. Maybe that means I should give it try or maybe that means, it's been two years and I should move on.

That night I went to dinner with my parents. I mentioned something about John and I hanging out the other night and my dad like flipped out. He wanted to begin naming off all the reasons I shouldn't even be friends with John. He may not have a job right now, but he got fired and it's hard to find jobs right now. He is filling out applications though. And John knows how I feel about him being unemployed.

It is just so frustrating. They have never liked a single guy I have ever dated. I mean I could bring Prince William home and they still wouldn't approve. Part of the problem I think is social class. They want someone in my same class with the same education I have. My father is a prominent lawyer and has his own firm. Many of his clients are local celebrities and doctors. So I guess you could say we are more well off than most. Now John's family is not as well off as mine. In fact most people I know aren't as well off. I am not bragging just explaining. I am not that girl, believe me. I have my BA and am beginning to work on my JD this fall. John has his Associates. That's better than no degree at all. Dad wants me to go to law school and find a nice husband there. But I just don't know about that.

Always- LSG

Unleashing the Beast Within

So I quit talking to John. Now I am talking to John, but not sleeping with him. Well all that leads to to about five weeks without sex. That is getting to be a long time.

At first I told myself I would not masturbate because I knew that would only make it worse. Then finally like two weeks ago I gave in and took out the bunny. And boy was I right about making it worse.

The next day at work I wanted to hump everything. I went to the courthouse to run some errands for work. I saw at least five men that I wanted to have sex with. It seemed like every man I saw was a hottie, when in reality I knew they weren't. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and then I realized that by masturbating the night before I had like unleashed a sexual beast. Now I have to continue to take out the bunny to control the beast until I decide to have sex again.

Always- LSG

Something...

I have been gone awhile and I do apologize. It's been a weird summer

The past few weeks I have been avoiding John. He continued to text me and try to get me to hang out with him, but I just wouldn't have it. I have had feelings for him and he didn't want to be with me. I had finally gotten the courage to stay away from him because nothing good would come of me continuing to sleep with him. I had been doing really good.

Then last night. He was at the bar. We still have the same friends and we all ended up hanging out together. He kept putting his hand on my leg and whispering in my ear so I finally told him the deal. He said he noticed that I had been ignoring him. I explained to him why and that I couldn't be with him any longer. Then he started to tell me how much he has missed me the last four weeks or so. He said he just wanted to see me so bad and not for sex. Now this is upsetting for me to hear after all my hard work over the past month. Then he goes on to tell me that he wants to be with me. he doesn't want to lose me and he wants us to be together for real.

I started getting so frustrated and upset with him. Where was this four weeks ago? three months ago? a year ago? I felt like Carrie when Big showed up right before she was leaving for Paris. I even explained this to him. How Carrie and Big were off again on again. She finally gets the courage to ignore his calls and delete his messages. Then Big shows up declaring his love for her and she freaks out on him. He understood after I explained all this to him. But then of course Carrie and Big end up together. Carrie and John. Funny bc ,well you don't know my name, but it almost Carrie. hehe

Anyway we talked for a really long time. About:

-how we have been together for two years. on and off of course, but how it is hard for either of us to imagine life without the other. everytime we are off I think how he will not be there and how upsetting that is. we both agreed that being together is just normal and not being together always never feels right.

-how last time we actually dated things didn't work well. the problem was with john and I anytime we start dating it isn't like a normal dating thing. we aren't starting from the beginning because we have been together for a good time. it's more like starting in the middle. that caused problems.

-how he needs to get a job. he has been out of work for a month and i just refuse to date a man without a job.

-the plan. to be two people who like eachother and are starting to casually date.

Later that night he wanted to go back to my place. I told him we would not be having sex. He asked why. I explained how the past two years our relationship has been based on sex and that if we want to do things right then we are not gonna start by having sex. He totally agreed and respected my feelings. We just went home and watched TV until we went to sleep.

I had still been feeling confused. Should I have just said no and moved on? But it's John and we have something. Why I wanna take things so slow because I am still not sure what I think about all this. Then I was listening to Abbey Road, my favourite Beatles album. "Something" made me realize that I do want to give him a chance. "Something" is exactly how I feel about John. After hanging out with him I used to lie in bed listening to it over and over just thinking about him.

Always- LSG

"Something in the way she moves;
Attracts me like no other lover.
Something in the way she woos me.
I don't wanna leaver her now.
You know I believe and how
Somewhere in her smile she knows;
That I dont need no other lover.
Someting in her style that shows me.
I don't wanna leave her now.
You know I bleieve and how
Your asking me will my love grow?
I don't know; Idon't know."

"Something" by The Beatles, from Abbey Road

A MOH Speech

Sorry I have not posted in like a week. I really don't know why. I may not have been writing, but I have been reading.

A girl a work, who I have become friends with, is the Maid of Honor for her friend's wedding on Saturday. All day at work she was trying to come up with a speech for the reception. She was having no luck at all. She started looking up MOH speeches on the internet. She is the receptionist and everytime I would walk by she would read me another speech. They were all awful. I told her she was not allowed to read any of them. Then she told me to write a speech for her. I was like are you kidding. Any speech I wrote would begin by asking if they signed a pre-nup then move on to whether on not marriage was a good idea. So, yea, I'm the office cynic. She really wanted to see what I could do so I went home and ended up writing her a speech.

Now I wouldn't say I am that great of a writer or anything. Writing papers was the hardest part of college for me. I was just laying there and this simple little speech came to me so I wrote it down. Work Friend really liked it and said she would use it and thought it was awesome. Here is what I wrote...

" The idea of having to write this speech and recite it in front of a room of people kind of freaked me out. I don’t think I am that clever with advice, and I am probably not that funny when it comes to jokes. I could probably to a good job of being cheesy, however.

I tried googling Maid of Honor speeches to try and get some ideas. You know, just to get the brain in the wedding speech kind of mode. It wasn’t helpful though. Nothing came close to what I wanted to say about Bride and Groom.

So I finally just say down and wrote. This is what I came up with. Please don’t laugh.

First I would like to thank Bride for allowing me the privilege of being her Maid of honor. It really is an honor. I would probably do anything for her.

When I think of Bride I think of (three things about her). When I think of Groom I think of (three things about him). But when they are together I think of (three things about them as a couple).

Bride and Groom, really are a wonderful couple. Seeing the two of them together is proof that the greatest gift from God is love. Even those who not have experienced this type of love can look at Bride and Groom and know that there is something extra special between him. I see it. I can’t not see it.

Everyone deserves to find a love like this.

(now look at couple) A love that is dependable, true, and righteous. I pray that God will continue to flourish in your lives. And I hope others can look to you both as an example of true love."

The End. Hope you enjoyed it.
Always- LSG

Being Single= Against Status Quo??

When will we learn to love ourselves? When will we be comfortable being alone? When will the world and life stop focusing on being in a couple?

I don't understand why everything and everyone in this life is focused on finding the one and being in a couple, even if he is not the one. I was watching television and this girl is going on about how she isn't with anyone and is still spending her life trying to find that one person. Why should the purposed or goal of one's life be trying to find someone else to complete them.

Growing up we are taught how life "should" be. That we graduate high school. Then go to college. Maybe we finish or maybe we don't, but that is the time when we are supposed to find our other half. Then marriage and then children. Then our lives will be complete and we can finally be happy. Why do our lives have to fit into some formula created by the status quo?

I don't want to focus the best years of my life on trying to find some other person that is supposedly going to complete me. It's hard though. I don't fit into the status quo. I graduated college. I am now going to law school. My goal is to then start practice at my father's law firm. Maybe one day even be a partner with him. I hope to buy a house, on my own, without the help of a man. If a man comes into my life at any point then it will be fine. I just don't want to focus my life on trying to find a man.

My life is about me. No one can complete me. Only I can complete myself. No man can complete me. He may enhance my life, but I don't think he should make or break my life and my happiness. Most women my age are trying to get married and have children. But that is not my path. I want to have a career. I want to be successful. I have chosen a different path than the average 20-something woman.

But the world is still telling me that I should be focusing on finding a man. Family, friends, media, etc. is all saying that the goal of life is to be happily married with children. Why are we listening to this and why are we teaching the younger genreations this? Shouldn't the status quo be finding happiness with one's self and not with one's partner? I can't change the world. All I can try to do is live in it with my ideas on life and try to succeed.

Always- LSG

RANT

I never heard from Crush after our nite of making out. While I figured I wouldn't hear from him, because most guys are full of shit when they say they like you and will call you, I was still hopeful.

Sara did give me some insider information the other day though. Her husband was hanging out with Crush. That nite I was with Crush, there was this other guy, CT, who also spent the whole nite hitting on me. So Sara's husband says to Crush- ' I hear you and CT were both hitting on LSG the other nite.' Crush responds- ' Well it looks like I won.'

While I should just move on and brush this off it really got to me. I have never really felt like an object before. I totally feel like I was just a prize for the two of them to fight over. I was just something to win. But how did Crush win really? I didn't have sex with him. We just made out. I don't think that is anything for him to go around bragging about, unless he is telling the guys that he did have sex with me. That's just not cool.

I just don't get it. It is the same thing over and over again with every guy. Crush said he liked me. He said he had been digging me for awhile, even while he was with T. He said we had to hang out again and that he wanted to make plans for the weekend. Now I know he was full of shit. it was all a line. But why conitnue with the stupid I like you game to get a girl into bed when I made it clear that I was not going to sleep with im that night.

I just wish guys would be straight up. Okay, I understand that men may be too afraid to say I don't like you but you don't have to say things that you are afraid to say or that you think will hurt us. Although if you say I don't like you, that's okay. I am a big girl, I can handle it. Plus I would rather hear that then hear that you do like me and sit around hoping you call and you never do. How about men just learn to say nothing. Don't say I like you if you don't mean it. Don't say you want to hang out again if you don't mean it. Don't say that you will call me if you don't mean it. Don't give me any reason to expect a call from you when you know you will never call me. I want the truth not some game. Or how about this- Nice to meet you. Have a good nite. or a simple Good Bye and Good Night.

This makes me so angry. Men wonder why girls are psycho and shit. Well we are not psycho. You just send us all the mixed signals. Stop saying you will call and tell us the truth.

And don't objectify us!! (Unless it's in the bedroom and we ask you to.) I am a person. I am not someting for you to win. I can understand chivalry, like trying to win my affection or my heart. But don't try to win me as a game or a prize. I am a woman.

Always- LSG

The Gamer Boy

A couple of years ago, I dated the Gamer Boy. I will tell you right now to watch out for the Gamer Boy. He is the guy that spends all his time playing WoW or surfing the net. He actually plays Facebook Mafia and Myspace Mob Wars. He has a headset with a microphone on it. He often talks about his friends, but actually has never me any of these people in real life. And he is probably overweight and doesn't shower every day. This is the Gamer Boy.

I met Gamer Boy in a class at school, having no idea of his annoying habit. He asked me out and we met a the bar that Friday. I had a lot of fun and we started to date. Soon I realized his obsession. I come to his apt. to go out or something and he would be gaming. He would tell me just 20 minutes, I am grinding or battling or whatever. This became a common theme for our dates. I would meet at his place. Find my spot on the bed. Turn on the TV or open a book and begin to wait. It was very annoying.

Then I got to the point in our relationship where I was ready to sleep with Gamer Boy. Boy, was this a feat. I would get in be and ask him to come with me. He was like no I am playing. I would lay in bed alone, topless, listening to him spout random gamer lingo into his microphone headset. I was not too happy about this. I finally got Gamer Boy to sleep with me one night. And guess what? As soon as we were done he got up and went back to gaming.

Needless to say I soon broke up with him. I mean what man would rather play computer games when there is a naked girl in his bed, who is horny. I will never understand Gamer Boys. So now I try to avoid them.

Always- LSG

Secret Weapon

Every single girl has their secret weapon when they are going out. Maybe it's stilletos, or a push-up bra. Mine is ginger soufflé and Italian perfume.

Origins makes a Ginger Souffle which is my favourite thing to wear to get a guys attention. It is a thick body cream. Ginger, for those of you that don't know, is an aphrodisiac, or so they say. It is even said that Madame DuBerry, mistress to Louis XV, used ginger perfume to seduce him. I usually just use it on my arms, but sometimes on my whole body.

My Italian perfume is none other than Givenchy's Very Irrestible. I have the purple one and the red one. There is also a pink one and a new summer one. It is a very sensual scent. I always get compliments when I wear it.

So I combine the two, Ginger Souffle and Italian Perfume, works like a charm. Will definitely get a man's attention. No, it won't work like a love potion. They won't fall in love with you or ask you to marry them, but it will definitely get their attention. And if you're lucky they might even follow you home.

Always- LSG

Bingo Night

Bingo Night is on Wednesdays at my favourite bar. I try to go as often as possible. Last nite I went with Sara, her husband, my best friend, and some other people from Sara and her husband's group. They are the only ones married in the group.

On my way to the bar I get a text from John asking me what I have been up to. I decide to ignore it. Like an hour later he texts me again asking me if I am mad at him. Now this does make me mad. He ignores my texts all the time and I don't say a thing. I just go on. I ignore his text one time and he thinks I am mad at him. I tell him no, that I am just at the bar.

He asks me what my plans are for the nite. I say bingo.
John- 'did you want to fuck tonight?'
Me- 'i dunno'
John- 'you don't know. what are you on the rag?'
I am thinking this might be a good excuse but say
Me- 'no just not in the mood'
John- 'that's cool if you change your mind or want to some other time'
Me- 'ok'
John- 'my big hard throbbing cock will be waiting for you'
He begins to get desperate and starts saying he will do things he never does.
I don't believe him, but continue to entertain him knowing that I won't be seeing him.

So enough about John. In an old post I talked about hanging out at Sara's and a guy in her group that I have always had a crush on. He was at bingo last night and I sat by him. After bingo we all went back to his house to watch a movie. On the couch he had his arm around me. After one of our many smoke breaks, he grabs my hand, leads me inside, and tells me he is ready for bed. I go to his room with him. We start talking and then he kisses me. We start making out. When he goes to take my shirt off, I tell him that I am not having sex with him.

He wants to have sex, but I tell him that I am not that easy. I won't just give it up on the first nite. I tell him if he wants to have sex with me that he has to work for it. Then I tell him that I like him. If I didn't like him I would have sex with him. I tell him that I have actually have a crush on him for awhile, but he always had a girlfriend. He is like, 'so you've been digging me for awhile. well I have been digging you for awhile.' I am like no you haven't. You were with T. He tells me that even when he was with her that he was digging me. He then asks if the whole T. thing makes me feel weird. I am like no, why would I care. Then he says well I am not with her anymore. I am with you now.

We make out and cuddle all night. It was very nice. He was very respectful. In the morning I ask him if he wants to hang out again. He says 'well we will have to.' He also realizes that we have been sharing the same pillow all nite. He tells me he will have to get another pillow if I am going to be spending the night. When I go to leave he tells me that we will hang out this weekend. Then I realize he never got my number. But I think if he actually likes me then he can get a hold of me. He could get my number from Sara or he could Facebook friend me. My phone number is on my facebook. I am sure I will see him again too because of our mutual friends. I tell myself that if he wants to talk to me then he will. If he wants to see me then he will.

Plus- I have talked to Sara about all this, and she is totally cool with it.

Always- LSG

Now What?

Guy Friend... I don't know what to say. He kind of blew me off this weekend. (I guess you're right Mark) At least we weren't dating. But for him to blow me off when he wants to date me seems to me a sign that we shouldn't date. And just when I was thinking he might be different and that we might could casually start dating. I figured he would be different b/c he has watched the way other guys had treated me. He didn't like it. I figured he would know better, especially since he told me he liked me and wanted to date me. When John and I were dating, last summer, he saw John ignore me and not ever make plans with me. I broke up with John. He watched Zac ignore me for two days; then I gave up and went to Zac's house to get my stuff. He should know better.

Last week we talked about hanging out this weekend. Friday night he ignored my texts. I figured he would at least respond Saturday, unless he was at work. Come to find out he didn't have to work and hung out with his friends all day. Said he would call me after frisbee golf. Three hours later he asks what we should do. I suggest going to the bar with his friends. He was hanging out with a couple. The four of us actually all hung out last weekend. He said they wanted to go swimming. I told him I didn't have a swimsuit. He said he would call me after swimming and we can hang out.

Then I got drunk.

I drunk texted him- 'am i gonna see you tonite b.c i am drunk and think we should make out.'
he told me he was going home and maybe tomorrow. I said Maybe. Then he asked if I was mad at him and of course I told him that I wasn't, that I was just drunk. By this time I was at a party with some girlfriends. We continued to text eachother for awhile. This was normal texting like we always do. Like we are best friends. Which we are. A little confused after all this. I would have been excited if the guy I liked drunk texted me to make out.

He didn't call Sunday, when he said we would hang out. I didn't talk to him Sunday or Monday. Decided to text him today. Asking him how was work and stuff. He responded. When I asked when we gonna hang out he stopped texting. I left him alone.

Either I am crazy and paranoid or he has changed his mind. Probably both. My friends are telling me to chill out. The thing is is that this is why I am always single. This is why I don't date. I hate this whole 'is he gonna call?', 'am I supposed to call?', 'why doesnt he want to see me?' I can't stand this whole thing. It all feels like game play or something. This is when I give up and continue being single. This all makes me so crazy. Maybe with the right guy I won't feel this way.

Blog Award

Pursuit from Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Matching Accessories- http://pursuitofmatchingaccessories.blogspot.com/-

tagged me for a blog award.

The goals of this award...

1. As a dedication to those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging

2. To seek the reasons why we all love blogging

3. Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it!

4. Don't forget to mention the person who gave you the award5. Answer the awards question by writing the reason you love blogging

I like blogging because I can rant about my life and tell my stories without having to worry that others are judging me. I can talk to people who aren't present (in person) in my everyday life about what is going on. Like Pursuit said, it is like a diary. I only starting blogging like a month ago but I am loving it. I like reading other people's blogs and comparing our lives.

6. Tag and distribute this award to as many people as you like. Don't forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your postSo here goes! I'm tagging:

Pursuit already tagged some of the people that I would have tagged and I am a new blogger so I don't have a ton of blogs that I read. I will tag the very first blog I found and started reading.

Victoria from Advice from a Single Girl. -http://advicefromasinglegirl.blogspot.com/

She blogs almost every day like clockwork and is entertaining, even when her blogs are just a sentence. She is very good at getting her readers involved in the conversation

Thanks Pursuit!!

Always- LSG

Cookie Cutting

Have you ever wanted to cookie cut someone out of your life? I have done it before to minor friends or frenemies. Now I want to cookie cut out my best friend. She is a tad crazy. She lives in another world where only she is right. She is getting clingly and becoming a creeper.

She joined Facebook but has like 3 friends. She doesn't interact and is never on it. Then she tells me she wants to delete it. But doesn't because she likes that she can be nosy. And she even does it to me. She gets on and starts going to back posts and putting her two cents into conversations I am having with other people.

She does the same thing with real life. She wants to know if I am going out and then she won't go out. She texts about what I am doing, who I am with, when I am going home. It gets so annoying. If she doesn't want to go out then why all the questions. She once told me that all this was her trying to live vicariously through me. WTF does that mean?

She has more drama than anyone I know. She calls at least once a week, if not more, with some crazy or horrible thing that happened to her. It gets old after awhile. How can someone have so much drama in their life. I am sick of hearing her drama and hearing her whine. We are supposed to be there fo our friends, but she gets a little out of control. She has more problems than anyone I know.

Maybe we are just going through a rough patch or maybe I am just being a bitch.

There was a party at our mutual best friend's (sara) house the other day. I didn't want to go bc she was there. She spent the entire time texting and calling me wondering when I was coming over. I told her I was doing other things and didn't know if I would make it. She continued to bug me.

This is me ranting.

Always- LSG

Drawbacks of Being Single: 3

So I was in the bathroom trying to wash my make-up brushes. I am almost done (I have a lot of brushes, I'm a make up freak) when I realize that my bathroom floor is all wet. I grab a towel and start wiping the floor. I open the cabinet under the sink and it is all flooded. I empty the cabinet and start wiping it down.

I am so annoyed. I am down there screwing around thinking I can fix it. What do I know about these things. A man could look at this. He would know more about fix it stuff. But I am all alone with a flooded bathroom. Tomorrow I will have to call the apt. people and have them come look at. It would be easier if "my" man could help me. But I don't have one. Oh well. Life goes on.

Always- LSG

Summer Bet

My younger brother, who is 21, moved to Germany over the weekend for a twelve week internship. I already miss him. Anyway, he bet my dad he couldn't lose 12% of his body weight by the time he gets back to the states. My dad said he would do even better and lose 14%.

Then My dad decides to get more of us involved. He bet my aunt, three cousins(17, 20, 22) and me to lose 12% of our weight by the end of summer also. He said he would give everyone that succeeds $100 and split the money of those who don't succeed between those of us who do. So the bet started Sunday. I have 12 weeks. I haven't even started. Blah. Why am I so lazy? In high school I used to work out all the time. Then college happened and I don't know what.

I must find some motivation. I can't let the others win. Well we should all win. If they can do it then so can I. I just have to get off my lazy ass. And stop eating nachos (my favourite food).

Always- LSG

The Talk

I had a very long talk with Guy Friend last night. It began with him asking me when we were going to go on a date. I was like I don't know. He said, "you think I am kidding, but I am not. I really want to go on a date with you." Then we started to talk about everything.

He thinks John and all the other guys he has seen me with have treated me like crap. He says that I deserve the best and that he wants to be that man. It sounded so sweet. I mean I have always had a little crush on Guy Friend. And apparently he has always felt the same way about me, but didn't want to hurt our friendship.

I brought up all the things that make him, well, not good boyfriend material. We went through every point that I had. He explained to me that he pretty much had a come to Jesus moment a few weeks ago. He wants to get his life in order. He says he has all these plans. He wants to do something with his life. He is working full time and trying to move out of his mom's house again. He says he wants to go back to school too. He wants to lose friends that aren't good for him and move on to bigger and better things. This all sounds great, but I am still skeptical.

I brought up John. He says he doesn't care about John. He says John is one of the friends he needs to move on from.

I do have feelings for Guy Friend. I just need to know if he really means everything he says. Still not going to make any big decisions. We will continue to hang out as friends. And if the time comes that I feel I'm ready then I'll let him know.

Always- LSG

My Weekend

Okay, so it's three in the morning and I can't sleep. Guy Friend is in the living room asleep on my couch. He was there last night too. Hmmm. I did not offer for him to sleep in my bed last night, but I thought he might come in anyway. We have slept (not sex, actual sleeping) in my bed together before. He didn't, however. One of my girlfriends thinks he is taking things slow and trying not to push himself on me.

Tonight we watched a movie in my bed, and he fell asleep. I figured he would stay here. He said he was going to the couch because he had to get up early and didn't want to wake me up. I told him that he would not wake me up, and if he did no big deal. He still went to the couch.

So we have spent the last three nights hanging out together. He hasn't really tried to have a "talk" with me, but I know he is thinking things. Last night we pretty much spent the whole night playing footsie at a friends house on the couch. And he made it a point to tell me how hot and pretty I was. He said I always laugh at things he says like that. I told I always thought it was a joke or him trying to get in my pants. He was like, 'no I am serious. I have always thought that about you.'

Of course we are getting closer. I have tried to get with him before. It was over a year ago. During that time we did get really close, but nothing ever happened. Now he says the time is right for him, and that it wasn't then. I am still planning to go with the flow. I don't want to make any decisions yet.

Also- the whole reason Guy Friend brought up the two of us dating was because I was telling him how annoyed with John I am. John has been acting like two different people. When we are in public he acts like my boyfriend. But when we are in the bedroom he makes sure I know it is just sex and nothing more. Okay I get that, but don't act like it's more when we are around other people. I am just so sick of dealing with him. I was telling Guy Friend all this and how I should just stop it. I told him he should help me and make sure that I just stop it. I keep going back to John because 1- I'm horny and 2-It's easy. Not reasons to continue along some crazy path of I don't even know what with somepone.

Always- LSG

I'm Intrigued

I picked up my friend from work today, and we hung out for a bit before I had to go to dinner with the Fam. This friend is probably one of my best guy friends. We were at my apartment and I was talking to him about John and how I just need to stop hanging out with him. I hung out with John the night before. This guy friend is also really good friends with John. Suddenly he says to me, 'well why don't you and I date.' I say, 'what, that doesn't make sense in my head.' He says, 'well it does in mine.'

Guy Friend and I have always had a sexual tension between us. I have tried to get with him before, but he said that we were too good of friends. I bring this up in our conversation and he tells me that the time wasn't right then.

After dinner we meet back up to go to the bar. He brings up the two of us dating again. He then said something about us being good friends. I tell him that I am really intrigued by the idea, but we are close friends. I have dated friends before. Not such a great idea. He says he has always thought I was cute and has always liked me. I have had a crush on him since I have met him. We met like 3 or 4 years ago.

I'm thinking I shouldn't make any decisions and just go with the flow. He isn't really boyfriend material, but I do like him. I mean he is one of my best friends. If something happens then it happens. If it doesn't then we stay friends. He did text when he got home tonight telling me how much fun he had hanging out with me today and that we should do it again. Of course we will hang out again. We talk all the time. Just something new to happen today. I'm still intrigued by the idea of Guy Friend and me, but not gonna say ' yes, lets date.'

Always- LSG

Yay For Being Single.

So I have kind of been reading this book on and off. I say on and off b/c with school it's hard to find time to really read what I want. But school is over and I can read all I want. Anyway, the book is Better Single Than Sorry by Jen Schefft. She was on the the bachelor and turned down the proposal; then she was on the Bachelorette and didn't ask either guy to marry her. It is a really good book about being a single 20-something and not only accepting it, but being proud and happy about it.

She has this list call "50 Reasons Why It's Great to be Single." I liked it and wanted to share a few of them with you.

-You have no responsibilities to anyone else but yourself.

-You shave your legs only when you feel like it.

- The toilet seat is always down.

- You don't have to watch your boyfriend play video games.

- You have the whole bed to yourself.

- Watching whatever you want on TV.

- No one steals the blanket when you're asleep.

- The alarm clock is set for when you need to wake up, and not earlier.

- You can go to events with friends and not worry about your boyfriend fitting in.

- No guys over for the big game.

- The possibility of meeting someone special.

- You no longer "get in trouble."

-That all-consuming lust that you only experience at the beginning of a relationship.

-The only morning breath you have to deal with is your own.

That's only a few from the list, but I hope it made you smile.

Always- LSG

[all credit for 50 Reasons Why it's Great to be Single to Better Single than Sorry by Jen Schefft, copyright 2007 by Jen Schefft.]

Frustrated

It's hard to feel compassion when your best friend finally breaks up with her douchebag boyfriend. It took you a year and a half to kick him to the curb. I would have done it a long time ago. But now she is sad. She says she loves him and what if he's the one. Well if he was the one he wouldn't be such an asshole; at least that's my opinion. She deserves better but I fear she will go back to him so she is not alone. I want to be supportive but it is really hard listening to talk and talk and talk about whether she made the right decision. And every reason I give her for why it was right she has a counter-attack for some stupid thing he did like carry her purse. Yeah, that's why you should date him, because he carries your purse. Forget that he cheated on you and may never amount to anything in life. I feel like a total bitch, but really I have been listening to this for far too long.

How do I be supportive but still state my opinion? How did I be supportive and not go crazy listening to the all the stupids reasons why she loves him?

Always- LSG

FwB Series: 4- past

The New Girlfriend

When we last left the story of John, he and I had been FwBs from about October to about Aprilish (2008). At this point, that spring, things were beginning to slow down. For like a couple of weeks he wasn't answering my calls and ignoring my texts. I thought it was weird. Then one night I was hanging out with one of our mutual friends who told me John was on a date that night. I was a little perturbed. Not so much that he had found someone else put that he had just left me hanging.

I am glad our friend told me he was dating someone b/c the next night we were all at the bar with friends. And if I hadn't known he was dating someone else I would have been all touchy feely with him like normal. That would have bben really bad b/c it turns out his new girlfriend was a waitress at our favorite bar.

He only dated her for like a month or so. Then she stopped answering his phone calls and avoiding him. And thats how John got a new girlfriend and how his new girlfriend broke up with.

Then of course he wanted to come back to me. I wasn't so quick to take him back though. I was a little upset that he never told me about his new girlfriend and I had to find out from our friend. Not only that but the whole time they were dating he pretending I didn't exist. We have the same group of friends so we would be together a lot. He wouldn't talk to me or look at me or anything. We were friends. But he pretended we weren't.

One night we were messing around on the couch and I stopped it to tell him all this. He was so apologetic about everything. I don't know how sorry he really was or if he was just willing to say anything to get me back into bed. We got into a little argument and I told him I would let him know. Of course, the horny bitch that I am, went back to him as FwBs. This would continue for a few more months. Then I would tell him for the first time that I had realized that I had feelings for him.

To be continued..

Always- LSG

Just checking to see how this text to blog thing works

Drawbacks of Being Single: 2

I wanted to go out and celebrate my graduation last night. I thought my friends were all down for it. But it turned out: some made plans with others, somegot too drunk the night before, some were just to tired and stayed home. Next thing I know I have no one to spend my graduation night with. I was totally bummed so I called my married friend, Sara, who still likes to party. She and her husband were having friends over and had got a hold of a free keg. I decided to head over there. The thing is I have learned not just last night, but lost of nights, that I can't rely on anyone but myself. Sometimes I don't even trust my friends. They aren't reliable, even my best friends. Maybe I'm just outgrowing them. I think if I had had a guy in my life then he would have been there with me. I would not have been alone last night.

In the end I had a blast at Sara's house. Plus a friend of her's that I have had a crush on for years is newly single. I spent some time hanging out with him. We were the only smokers in the group so we did spend some time outside alone together.

Always- LSG

FwB Series: 3-past

So the story begins...
I met John over two years ago. It was like February. We met at bar through mutual friends. After the bar a bunch of us went over to one of the guy's house. Once there John and I sat out on the porch talking and smoking. We were talking and he started to basically tell me my own philosophy on religion, which is another post. Not many ppl see religion the way I do so I was amazed, impressed and intrigued. He definately began to reel me in. I could tell he was into me and wanted to go home with me, but at the time I had a boyfriend. He and I soon broke up with in a couple of weeks, for totally different reasons. That's a pretty good story too.

I didn't see him again til the summer. It was at a house party of some guys we both knew. We spent the entire party with eachother....making out. I eventually had to go home and he walked me to my car. He continued to kiss me. He didn't want me to leave or at least he wanted to go home with me. I wouldn't let him. It was still too early. Later that week we hung out together. He did come home with me that night and we did the deed. It was good and I wanted to see him again.

We tried to start dating and hanging out but things just didn't seem to work. He had a problem answering his phone and making plans. I have since learned he hasn't really been in a lot of relationships, especially ones that lasted more than a month or more. I finally got fed up when I called him one night to hang out. He said he would call me later and we would meet up. He called me at like 3 in the morning and was totally fucked up. He just wanted to come over and have sex with me. I was so angry. That's when we stopped seeing eachother the first time.

That fall when we were all hanging out at a friends house he was definately making it clear to me that he wanted me in the bedroom. I was horny too so I said whatever and we went to my apartment. I didn't think it was a big deal. It would be one night and not a big deal I mean we had done it before.

A month later I was out of town at my grandparents' house when I got a text form him that night. It was his birthday and he wanted birthday sex. I told him I was out of town but I would call him when I was back in town. Thus began our time as friends with benefits. This would last until late the next spring. To be continued...

Always- LSG

I Did It!!

I officially graduated from college yesterday and it feels absolutely amazing. It was so great to sleep in today and not have to worry about having to get up and write papers or study. I feel so free, especially since this past finals week has felt like a total blur to me. This summer I will spend doing nothing. I'll work like three days a week and the rest of the time is all mine because in August I will get my ass kicked when Law School starts. Also I am so excited to start reading for FUN!! I love to read and it is so hard when I have to read books for school all the time. I already have a pile of books I want to read this summer. If you have any more suggestions let me know. I hope everyone has a great summer. We'll keep in touch. One of the things I can do this summer is blog more.

Always- LSG

FwB Series: 2-Current

I seem to be constantly messing things up with John. Well not really messing them up, more like making it more awkward. I just can't help myself. He makes me so crazy. I want him so bad. After almost two years of being FwBs how could this not happen? We have tried the dating thing a couple of times and it just didn't work. And when we are together everyone assumes that we are probably more than just FwB. He acts mroe than that when we are together. And we are friends. We are great friends. I can't imagine what it would be like if he just wasn't there anymore.

So last Saturday I went to the bar with some friends and he was there too. When we go out we sit together. We hold hands and tell eachother secrets. We even give each other little kisses. Sometimes he comes on too strong in public and I have to push him back. I thought maybe it all meant more than jsut what we are. Others have told me that he is just marking his territory out in public so other know that I am taken for the evening.

Later that night we were lying in bed and I asked him why we aren't together. He said it was because we don't work together. I try to tell him how I feel and how we have been like this for so long. he says "we are just friends with benefits." Yeah, that hurt. Am I just living in my own world. He says he thinks I can't be happy staying right how we are. I don't know what to think anymore. He acts like it's more and then suddenly it's nothing. The thing is he isn't dating anyone else and he certainly isn't sleeping with anyone else. I am the only one in his life like me. Sometimes I think I could fall in love with him. He is more than just sex to me. He is someone I can have a real intelligent conversation with and I can't say that about a lot of my friends. He is probably smarter than most of the people we hang out with. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. I just want to be around him. Half the time I don't even want to have sex with him. I just want to see him and be in his company. I just keep thinking one day he will tell me he feels the same way. And I am not crazy he has told me his feelings before, days after I told him I first had feelings for him. But that is another story.

Always- LSG

My Personal Time

Warning!!- this post most deffinately had adult material. Read at own risk.

As most twenty-three year olds, I love having sex. And it's not so much the orgasm part, it's more about the intimacy with the other person. I love sex whether I get off or not. It does matter that much to me. When I really want an orgasm though I tend to go it alone. I seem to have a better time at getting it done myself and it is usually more intense. What is really great though is tending to myself while a man is lying in bed next to me holding me.

To get to the point though, the thing about going it alone is that when I am done I always crave the touch of a man. It's not that it makes me more horny and want to have sex after I just... Well it's hard to explain. I just want to touch a man and a man to touch me. Maybe a man to lie next to me and hold me. That's the thing. It's when I am done, I feel kind of sad. Because I want someone next to me so bad. The entire time it is totally cool just being all by myself. Sometimes I even prefer doing the deed all alone, but when it's over I want a man.

Many times when I am finished I start texting John. Sometimes I tell him what I've been doing and other times I don't. Usually I try to make plans to see him later in the week.

I really just wanted to write these feelings down and get them out. Does anyone else understand what I'm trying to say??
Always- LSG

Finals

Finals are this week so I don't really have any time to post. I do have a lot to say though so I must wait til I can find the time. Have agreat week.

Always- LSG

The Adult Warning

I just changed my blog to warn about adult content. I am not saying that this blog is about to go R-rated or anything. It is about a single 20-something though. Sometimes things may get a little sexy, and I don't want to upset anyone. That is why I have added the adult content warning in order to enter the blog. If I do get too R-rated and it becomes offensive let me know in a nice way. I am not here to offend anyone. I am just trying to tell my story. And the story of a 20-something single will sometimes include adult content. Thank you for understanding.

Always- LSG

The Friend with Benefits Series: 1

When you are a single a friend with benefits can be a marvelous thing. I have had the same FwB for almost two years now. We will call him John. John is, of course, single and 28, and usually works out great.
This series of blogs will consist of two types: Past and Present. Past blogs will continue the ongoing narrative of the course of John and I's relationship, if I can call it that. For a FwB it sure is a lot more complicated that it should be. Present blogs will let you know what is currently going on with John and I.

Some FwBs are just that. They are friends that show up when you need them and leave when you type together has been completed. John and I are different though. Our relationship has been through a lot more than just sex. Currently we do both have feelings for eachother, but are better keeping things the way they are. We have tried the dating thing before and it just doesn't work for us. He isn't good at being a boyfriend, and I want more than he is willing to give me. We are friends. He is probably one of my best guy friends. When we get together, it is always more than just sex. We hang out, we talk, we have fun, we enjoy eachother as humans and not just sex objects. Sometimes I want more from him that just a FwB, but I know that things are good how they are now. I do care deeply about him and I know he cares about me. I don't know if anything will happen to us in the end. But for now I am just happy he is in my life, that we get to share in friendship and a sexual relationship both.

For the record John and I do have rules. We don't sleep with other people when our FwB relationship is on. It is just safer that way. We have in the past been off and were with other people during those times. We can date other people, but when that becomes physical we usually go into an off state. We always seem to return to an on state, however. We just can't seem to stay away from eachother.

Always- LSG

Was it Love or All a Lie?

Last fall a close guy friend,we'll call Zac, of mine and I decided to start dating. We had known each other for awhile and had been spending a lot of time together. We started to grow feelings for eachother. We only dated for like five weeks, but those weeks were the best five weeks ever with a guy. We did everything together and spent all our time together. He treated me like no other guy had treated me. I said I love you. He said I love you. We even began to make plans for the future. Things were moving so fast, but for some reason it felt right. Not to mention it was some of the best sex of my life. We seemed to just fit so perfect.

Then one night we had plans together. I hadn't seen him in a couple of days because I had been really busy with school. He said he couldn't hang out because he had to do a favour for a friend. I was little perturbed.
Later that night I texted him to apologize for being short with him, but he never answered. He didn't talk to me for a couple of days and continued to ignore me. I wasn't going to put up with this. What was his problem? I didn't deserve to be treated like this so I went to his house and got my stuff. He was asleep in his bed when I got there. I gathered my things and asked him why he was doing this. He said he needed space. Well then he should have told me that instead of ignoring me.

I left angry, upset, hurt, and every other feeling that was possible. He said we would discuss it later. Days went by and he still wouldn't talk. I just wanted to know was it over or not? He couldn't give me a straight answer. After about a week and half of this he told me he didn't have room in his life for a girlfriend and again that he needed space.

The problem is, not a week later, his ex-girlfriend moved into his house. WTF? How could he get space with her living in his room. He shared a house with three other guys. The place was full.

I assume that he didn't need space, but that he just didn't want me and didn't want to tell me that. I don't get why he would treat a person like this. He told me he loved me and he promised me the world. I know people break up, but if you love someone you should at least have the decentsy to give them a proper break up instead of just ignoring them. I don't know if he really loved me or not. He says he did, but I don't know that I believe that. You don't treat people you love like that. I would have been a lot better with a real break up. I deserve that.

I tell myself that I never loved him and that it was all a lie. I don't understand though what was the point. He just kept me around until he got his ex back??

I am already a cynic. But this just made it worse. I have been burned before but this was the worst time ever. I felt even more that love wasn't real, because love doesn't ignore and throw you away. Love gives you a respectable breakup.

We are still friends with the same people and I see Zac ocasionally. Pretty much we pretend that eachother don't exist. We don't even look at eachother. He knows I want nothing to do with him and for some reason he actually respects that. His ex still lives with him and thats all I know about that. I am better off though. Apparently he tells all his girlfriends that he loves them and that he wants to marry them. I was just another name on a list.

I think the reason I was so into the whole idea of US and the things he was telling me about our future is because of the world around me. Everyone else was hooking up or getting married and I felt like I was being left behind. I was (and am) the last single girl. I clung to this. I grabbed on tight. I guess I hoped he would save me from singledom or something.
I have grown stronger since then and grown more into my state of singleness. I will never let another man do to my heart what Zac did to mine. When I see him I still feel that pain inside. He hurt me. He lied to me. He ignored. He disrespected me. No girl deserves this. We have to be strong and see past the facade of love, when if fact it is only a facade.

Always- LSG

Tidbits: 2

I went to my annual girly doctor appointment today. I do not understand the way a doctor's office works. I waited in the waiting room with others for like an hour, because dr. had a delivery. That is totally understandable. What I don't understand is why call me into the little room if you are not ready for me? I hear my name, and I get all excited. I get to finally see the doctor. WRONG! I get to strip down and sit in a smaller, colder room. And the whole time I can hear the doc out in the hall, and going into other rooms. If he is not ready to see me then let me wait in the waiting room, with my clothes on, with the other people waiting. Why must doctors call you in before they want to see you? Why get you all excited and then make you wait even longer, alone and naked? Just leave me in the waiting room until the doc is actually ready to see me. Stop faking us out.

Drawbacks of Being Single: 1

There are many drawbacks of being a single girl. One is when you have a problem and there is no mans for you to call. No mans that will rush to your aide as soon as you need him. The single girl has to rely on friends and family, who are not as willing to rush to you in your type of need. Today I had one such problem. After leaving class I walked to my car( Baby car) in order to go home. The only problem was that my car was missing. It had been towed and this had happened before. My university is notorious for not having adequate parking. I knew the procedure.

Instead of calling a boyfriend to come get me and comfort me, I called my mom who proceeded to yell at me. I was interupting her day because I was stupid. This is being single. A boyfriend would have felt bad for me and come to my rescue. My mom didn't want to come to my rescue, but did and continued to yell at me the whole time. These are the drawbacks of being single.

Always- LSG

Tidbits: 1

There is nothing like going out to dinner with a girlfriend to make yourself feel even stronger about the state of being single. Jennifer and I went to eat tonight. We sat at the bar while we waited for a table. The bartender was a hottie.

Then at dinner our waiter was a redhead. Jen and I both have a thing for redheads. Too bad I wasn't wearing makeup, and had on a tshirt from a local bar.

Anyhow, I enjoyed the evening. Girltalk is the best. It makes you want indulge yourself in the privilege of being a woman.

Always- LSG

The One That Got Away Got Married

We all have that one that got away. Mine, we'll call Sam. I met Sam four years ago, April. We immediately hit it off and began dating. In just a few weeks, he found out that his ex-girlfriend was pregnant. We decided to break things off, but still be friends. The problem is we couldn't stay away from eachother. We were falling in love.

That winter the baby was born, and the following spring we had to finally and truly break things off. He moved a few states away in an attempt to follow his baby's mother. We continued to talk on the phone and keep up with one another. Even when I started dating someone else he was still there for me.

Getting over him was hard. I still consider him the only man that I have ever loved. He compares to no other man I have ever been with. He felt like the one at the time, but we both knew it wouldn't last. When he moved we both knew it was best for him. I eventually accepted it and moved on, but I have never forgotten about him, even when we stopped talking a couple years back.

About two weeks ago, I joined the ever popular fad of social networking by finally getting a Facebook page. I decided to look Sam up to see what he had been up to. I found him. His profile pic was of him and his child. I thought, hey I can friend him there is no harm in that. A few hours later he accepted my friendship, and I went to check out his page, starting with his info. There it was....

HE'S MARRIED?!?!

I immediately turned off the internet and went to bed. I didn't want to read anymore.

I didn't seem to sleep all night. I tossed and turned. All I could think was that he was married. Now I wasn't wishing it was me; it was just such a shock. I knew that we had both moved on. It had been two years since we had last spoken even. But married? How could he be married? I may have been a tad envious of her, but I didn't want to be her. I don't want to be married. And while he is still the only man I ever loved, I don't even want to be with him. It's just weird. My first real boyfriend got married like a year ago and it was and is no big deal at all. But with Sam it is different. I really loved him. Now someone else has his love. I feel like I am no longer allowed to be apart of his life or his memory.

He still lives states away with her and his child, and I think she is even pregnant. I am happy for him though. I loved him and I, of course, want him to have everything. That's all I ever wanted for him. He made me realize with true love that you can let the person go. He left and while it hurt, I was happy that he was going to be a daddy. I miss him; I do, but this is life. He is married. I am single. Tomorrow is a new day.

Always- LSG

First Post of the Last Single

Do you ever feel like you are the last single person in the world??
Now don't get me wrong. I love being single and have a current fear of marriage, but I feel like the whole planet is paired up and looking at me, waiting and watching. What will she do next? Will she ever find someone? Why don't you have a boyfriend?
It gets old fast. I may be only twenty-three and to many people that is a perfect age to be single, and I agree; it is. The problem is everyone around me. Everyone around me is in a long term relationship, or engaged, or married. Out of my best girlfriends, I am the only single one.
And then there is all the trying to find me someone. Everyone knows someone that would be perfect for me. They recomend a guy at their work. Or my cousin's best friend. I really don't need their help. If I really wanted a boyfriend, then I would probably go get one. I am just not interested enough. I am content knowing that I only answer to me and that all my time is for me. It's great actually. I just want to find others like me who can accept the single woman.