Now What?

Guy Friend... I don't know what to say. He kind of blew me off this weekend. (I guess you're right Mark) At least we weren't dating. But for him to blow me off when he wants to date me seems to me a sign that we shouldn't date. And just when I was thinking he might be different and that we might could casually start dating. I figured he would be different b/c he has watched the way other guys had treated me. He didn't like it. I figured he would know better, especially since he told me he liked me and wanted to date me. When John and I were dating, last summer, he saw John ignore me and not ever make plans with me. I broke up with John. He watched Zac ignore me for two days; then I gave up and went to Zac's house to get my stuff. He should know better.

Last week we talked about hanging out this weekend. Friday night he ignored my texts. I figured he would at least respond Saturday, unless he was at work. Come to find out he didn't have to work and hung out with his friends all day. Said he would call me after frisbee golf. Three hours later he asks what we should do. I suggest going to the bar with his friends. He was hanging out with a couple. The four of us actually all hung out last weekend. He said they wanted to go swimming. I told him I didn't have a swimsuit. He said he would call me after swimming and we can hang out.

Then I got drunk.

I drunk texted him- 'am i gonna see you tonite b.c i am drunk and think we should make out.'
he told me he was going home and maybe tomorrow. I said Maybe. Then he asked if I was mad at him and of course I told him that I wasn't, that I was just drunk. By this time I was at a party with some girlfriends. We continued to text eachother for awhile. This was normal texting like we always do. Like we are best friends. Which we are. A little confused after all this. I would have been excited if the guy I liked drunk texted me to make out.

He didn't call Sunday, when he said we would hang out. I didn't talk to him Sunday or Monday. Decided to text him today. Asking him how was work and stuff. He responded. When I asked when we gonna hang out he stopped texting. I left him alone.

Either I am crazy and paranoid or he has changed his mind. Probably both. My friends are telling me to chill out. The thing is is that this is why I am always single. This is why I don't date. I hate this whole 'is he gonna call?', 'am I supposed to call?', 'why doesnt he want to see me?' I can't stand this whole thing. It all feels like game play or something. This is when I give up and continue being single. This all makes me so crazy. Maybe with the right guy I won't feel this way.

The Talk

I had a very long talk with Guy Friend last night. It began with him asking me when we were going to go on a date. I was like I don't know. He said, "you think I am kidding, but I am not. I really want to go on a date with you." Then we started to talk about everything.

He thinks John and all the other guys he has seen me with have treated me like crap. He says that I deserve the best and that he wants to be that man. It sounded so sweet. I mean I have always had a little crush on Guy Friend. And apparently he has always felt the same way about me, but didn't want to hurt our friendship.

I brought up all the things that make him, well, not good boyfriend material. We went through every point that I had. He explained to me that he pretty much had a come to Jesus moment a few weeks ago. He wants to get his life in order. He says he has all these plans. He wants to do something with his life. He is working full time and trying to move out of his mom's house again. He says he wants to go back to school too. He wants to lose friends that aren't good for him and move on to bigger and better things. This all sounds great, but I am still skeptical.

I brought up John. He says he doesn't care about John. He says John is one of the friends he needs to move on from.

I do have feelings for Guy Friend. I just need to know if he really means everything he says. Still not going to make any big decisions. We will continue to hang out as friends. And if the time comes that I feel I'm ready then I'll let him know.

Always- LSG

My Weekend

Okay, so it's three in the morning and I can't sleep. Guy Friend is in the living room asleep on my couch. He was there last night too. Hmmm. I did not offer for him to sleep in my bed last night, but I thought he might come in anyway. We have slept (not sex, actual sleeping) in my bed together before. He didn't, however. One of my girlfriends thinks he is taking things slow and trying not to push himself on me.

Tonight we watched a movie in my bed, and he fell asleep. I figured he would stay here. He said he was going to the couch because he had to get up early and didn't want to wake me up. I told him that he would not wake me up, and if he did no big deal. He still went to the couch.

So we have spent the last three nights hanging out together. He hasn't really tried to have a "talk" with me, but I know he is thinking things. Last night we pretty much spent the whole night playing footsie at a friends house on the couch. And he made it a point to tell me how hot and pretty I was. He said I always laugh at things he says like that. I told I always thought it was a joke or him trying to get in my pants. He was like, 'no I am serious. I have always thought that about you.'

Of course we are getting closer. I have tried to get with him before. It was over a year ago. During that time we did get really close, but nothing ever happened. Now he says the time is right for him, and that it wasn't then. I am still planning to go with the flow. I don't want to make any decisions yet.

Also- the whole reason Guy Friend brought up the two of us dating was because I was telling him how annoyed with John I am. John has been acting like two different people. When we are in public he acts like my boyfriend. But when we are in the bedroom he makes sure I know it is just sex and nothing more. Okay I get that, but don't act like it's more when we are around other people. I am just so sick of dealing with him. I was telling Guy Friend all this and how I should just stop it. I told him he should help me and make sure that I just stop it. I keep going back to John because 1- I'm horny and 2-It's easy. Not reasons to continue along some crazy path of I don't even know what with somepone.

Always- LSG

I'm Intrigued

I picked up my friend from work today, and we hung out for a bit before I had to go to dinner with the Fam. This friend is probably one of my best guy friends. We were at my apartment and I was talking to him about John and how I just need to stop hanging out with him. I hung out with John the night before. This guy friend is also really good friends with John. Suddenly he says to me, 'well why don't you and I date.' I say, 'what, that doesn't make sense in my head.' He says, 'well it does in mine.'

Guy Friend and I have always had a sexual tension between us. I have tried to get with him before, but he said that we were too good of friends. I bring this up in our conversation and he tells me that the time wasn't right then.

After dinner we meet back up to go to the bar. He brings up the two of us dating again. He then said something about us being good friends. I tell him that I am really intrigued by the idea, but we are close friends. I have dated friends before. Not such a great idea. He says he has always thought I was cute and has always liked me. I have had a crush on him since I have met him. We met like 3 or 4 years ago.

I'm thinking I shouldn't make any decisions and just go with the flow. He isn't really boyfriend material, but I do like him. I mean he is one of my best friends. If something happens then it happens. If it doesn't then we stay friends. He did text when he got home tonight telling me how much fun he had hanging out with me today and that we should do it again. Of course we will hang out again. We talk all the time. Just something new to happen today. I'm still intrigued by the idea of Guy Friend and me, but not gonna say ' yes, lets date.'

Always- LSG