When you are a single a friend with benefits can be a marvelous thing. I have had the same FwB for almost two years now. We will call him John. John is, of course, single and 28, and usually works out great.
This series of blogs will consist of two types: Past and Present. Past blogs will continue the ongoing narrative of the course of John and I's relationship, if I can call it that. For a FwB it sure is a lot more complicated that it should be. Present blogs will let you know what is currently going on with John and I.
Some FwBs are just that. They are friends that show up when you need them and leave when you type together has been completed. John and I are different though. Our relationship has been through a lot more than just sex. Currently we do both have feelings for eachother, but are better keeping things the way they are. We have tried the dating thing before and it just doesn't work for us. He isn't good at being a boyfriend, and I want more than he is willing to give me. We are friends. He is probably one of my best guy friends. When we get together, it is always more than just sex. We hang out, we talk, we have fun, we enjoy eachother as humans and not just sex objects. Sometimes I want more from him that just a FwB, but I know that things are good how they are now. I do care deeply about him and I know he cares about me. I don't know if anything will happen to us in the end. But for now I am just happy he is in my life, that we get to share in friendship and a sexual relationship both.
For the record John and I do have rules. We don't sleep with other people when our FwB relationship is on. It is just safer that way. We have in the past been off and were with other people during those times. We can date other people, but when that becomes physical we usually go into an off state. We always seem to return to an on state, however. We just can't seem to stay away from eachother.
Always- LSG
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
The One That Got Away Got Married
We all have that one that got away. Mine, we'll call Sam. I met Sam four years ago, April. We immediately hit it off and began dating. In just a few weeks, he found out that his ex-girlfriend was pregnant. We decided to break things off, but still be friends. The problem is we couldn't stay away from eachother. We were falling in love.
That winter the baby was born, and the following spring we had to finally and truly break things off. He moved a few states away in an attempt to follow his baby's mother. We continued to talk on the phone and keep up with one another. Even when I started dating someone else he was still there for me.
Getting over him was hard. I still consider him the only man that I have ever loved. He compares to no other man I have ever been with. He felt like the one at the time, but we both knew it wouldn't last. When he moved we both knew it was best for him. I eventually accepted it and moved on, but I have never forgotten about him, even when we stopped talking a couple years back.
About two weeks ago, I joined the ever popular fad of social networking by finally getting a Facebook page. I decided to look Sam up to see what he had been up to. I found him. His profile pic was of him and his child. I thought, hey I can friend him there is no harm in that. A few hours later he accepted my friendship, and I went to check out his page, starting with his info. There it was....
HE'S MARRIED?!?!
I immediately turned off the internet and went to bed. I didn't want to read anymore.
I didn't seem to sleep all night. I tossed and turned. All I could think was that he was married. Now I wasn't wishing it was me; it was just such a shock. I knew that we had both moved on. It had been two years since we had last spoken even. But married? How could he be married? I may have been a tad envious of her, but I didn't want to be her. I don't want to be married. And while he is still the only man I ever loved, I don't even want to be with him. It's just weird. My first real boyfriend got married like a year ago and it was and is no big deal at all. But with Sam it is different. I really loved him. Now someone else has his love. I feel like I am no longer allowed to be apart of his life or his memory.
He still lives states away with her and his child, and I think she is even pregnant. I am happy for him though. I loved him and I, of course, want him to have everything. That's all I ever wanted for him. He made me realize with true love that you can let the person go. He left and while it hurt, I was happy that he was going to be a daddy. I miss him; I do, but this is life. He is married. I am single. Tomorrow is a new day.
Always- LSG
That winter the baby was born, and the following spring we had to finally and truly break things off. He moved a few states away in an attempt to follow his baby's mother. We continued to talk on the phone and keep up with one another. Even when I started dating someone else he was still there for me.
Getting over him was hard. I still consider him the only man that I have ever loved. He compares to no other man I have ever been with. He felt like the one at the time, but we both knew it wouldn't last. When he moved we both knew it was best for him. I eventually accepted it and moved on, but I have never forgotten about him, even when we stopped talking a couple years back.
About two weeks ago, I joined the ever popular fad of social networking by finally getting a Facebook page. I decided to look Sam up to see what he had been up to. I found him. His profile pic was of him and his child. I thought, hey I can friend him there is no harm in that. A few hours later he accepted my friendship, and I went to check out his page, starting with his info. There it was....
HE'S MARRIED?!?!
I immediately turned off the internet and went to bed. I didn't want to read anymore.
I didn't seem to sleep all night. I tossed and turned. All I could think was that he was married. Now I wasn't wishing it was me; it was just such a shock. I knew that we had both moved on. It had been two years since we had last spoken even. But married? How could he be married? I may have been a tad envious of her, but I didn't want to be her. I don't want to be married. And while he is still the only man I ever loved, I don't even want to be with him. It's just weird. My first real boyfriend got married like a year ago and it was and is no big deal at all. But with Sam it is different. I really loved him. Now someone else has his love. I feel like I am no longer allowed to be apart of his life or his memory.
He still lives states away with her and his child, and I think she is even pregnant. I am happy for him though. I loved him and I, of course, want him to have everything. That's all I ever wanted for him. He made me realize with true love that you can let the person go. He left and while it hurt, I was happy that he was going to be a daddy. I miss him; I do, but this is life. He is married. I am single. Tomorrow is a new day.
Always- LSG
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