Old and SIngle

Last night I went to a party at Crush's house. He and his two roommates were hosting a beer pong tournament/ party. I don't play beer pong bc I don't enjoy chugging Keystone, that is Oklahoma 3.2 Keystone. I usually bring wine and my favourite Belgium beer to these sorts of parties.

I did end up having a lot of fun, but I was the only single girl there. Of course a lot of the guys were single, but I was the only single girl. Sara was there with her husband. CT is a roommate so his girlfriend was there. Best Friend was there with Object of Affection. Sara's husband's bro and his gf. And another married couple. Those were the couples. Plus like 10 other guys and me. One would think this would be awesome for a single girl. All the guys to myself and no competition. It was actually really weird being the only single girl.

When I realized this fact I mentioned it to best friend and Sara. Best Friend was like, 'you are not the only single girl here because I am single too.' Um no. You came with a date, Best Friend. A date who is your boyfriend. You are not single at this party. But she continued how she wasn't married and that meant if she filled out any type of form she would mark the single box. While this maybe true she was still attached at this party. She was not single for the night. She wouldn't give up her single status, which was very annoying to both her boyfriend and I.

Crush works at the local golf course with many others who were at the party. At one point they invited another girl. Another single girl. Another single girl who is the beer girl at the golf course. Another single girl who is the beer girl at the golf course who is also 19 and hot. I have never felt so old in my life. I will be 24 in just 3 months but hanging out with this 19 year old chippy made me feel ancient. I think it was because she works with Crush and I got the vibe that she had a thing for him. I have always been the girl that other girls had to compete with and they lost. Now I felt I was having to compete with a fresh out of high school 19 year old hottie.

Eventually it got late and all the other girls were gone expect for me and the 19 year old. After spending time with her she actually seemed really cool but I still don't want to compete for Crush's attention with her. By the way, Crush is 26 in two months. When she wanted to drive home, Crush told her maybe she should sleep on the couch. She went to her car to get pjs. While she was gone I was on the porch with the guys. CT was like you all better not hit on her or take advantage of her if she stays the night. I was like um isn't she only 19. They said they would never do such a thing.

I wonder if Crush would really date someone that was 19. I know I wouldn't. Anyway. She ended up drving home and I left like 30 minutes later. I still want to get at Crush. He is just so yummy.

Always- LSG

Now What?

Guy Friend... I don't know what to say. He kind of blew me off this weekend. (I guess you're right Mark) At least we weren't dating. But for him to blow me off when he wants to date me seems to me a sign that we shouldn't date. And just when I was thinking he might be different and that we might could casually start dating. I figured he would be different b/c he has watched the way other guys had treated me. He didn't like it. I figured he would know better, especially since he told me he liked me and wanted to date me. When John and I were dating, last summer, he saw John ignore me and not ever make plans with me. I broke up with John. He watched Zac ignore me for two days; then I gave up and went to Zac's house to get my stuff. He should know better.

Last week we talked about hanging out this weekend. Friday night he ignored my texts. I figured he would at least respond Saturday, unless he was at work. Come to find out he didn't have to work and hung out with his friends all day. Said he would call me after frisbee golf. Three hours later he asks what we should do. I suggest going to the bar with his friends. He was hanging out with a couple. The four of us actually all hung out last weekend. He said they wanted to go swimming. I told him I didn't have a swimsuit. He said he would call me after swimming and we can hang out.

Then I got drunk.

I drunk texted him- 'am i gonna see you tonite b.c i am drunk and think we should make out.'
he told me he was going home and maybe tomorrow. I said Maybe. Then he asked if I was mad at him and of course I told him that I wasn't, that I was just drunk. By this time I was at a party with some girlfriends. We continued to text eachother for awhile. This was normal texting like we always do. Like we are best friends. Which we are. A little confused after all this. I would have been excited if the guy I liked drunk texted me to make out.

He didn't call Sunday, when he said we would hang out. I didn't talk to him Sunday or Monday. Decided to text him today. Asking him how was work and stuff. He responded. When I asked when we gonna hang out he stopped texting. I left him alone.

Either I am crazy and paranoid or he has changed his mind. Probably both. My friends are telling me to chill out. The thing is is that this is why I am always single. This is why I don't date. I hate this whole 'is he gonna call?', 'am I supposed to call?', 'why doesnt he want to see me?' I can't stand this whole thing. It all feels like game play or something. This is when I give up and continue being single. This all makes me so crazy. Maybe with the right guy I won't feel this way.

Frustrated

It's hard to feel compassion when your best friend finally breaks up with her douchebag boyfriend. It took you a year and a half to kick him to the curb. I would have done it a long time ago. But now she is sad. She says she loves him and what if he's the one. Well if he was the one he wouldn't be such an asshole; at least that's my opinion. She deserves better but I fear she will go back to him so she is not alone. I want to be supportive but it is really hard listening to talk and talk and talk about whether she made the right decision. And every reason I give her for why it was right she has a counter-attack for some stupid thing he did like carry her purse. Yeah, that's why you should date him, because he carries your purse. Forget that he cheated on you and may never amount to anything in life. I feel like a total bitch, but really I have been listening to this for far too long.

How do I be supportive but still state my opinion? How did I be supportive and not go crazy listening to the all the stupids reasons why she loves him?

Always- LSG